Friendship

When I try to reach out to you, lately, it seems that you push me away. Even though you may not mean to do such things. I miss talking to you on a day to day bassist and we don’t get to talk much anymore as it seems like for the past couple of weeks. the only time I get to see you is at the bar, regularly, when I gig there or come to hang out, just to see you. I care about you, and I hope you still care about me as well. Can you here me? Do you not want to be friends with me? Are you ignoring me? Do you mean to avoid? Why? These are the questions that I raise as of this moment as I’m writing this post. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, I can’t give up on this, I won’t give up. I miss you and working this out is what I wanna do. I miss things in how they use to be. I know you’re going through a lot and I’ll always be here for you. I miss texting you, and talking to myself about what I’m going through as of late, is what I’ve been doing. I feel as if you don’t care about me anymore, even though that’s not the case. I think about you daily and even more so after you gave me that bracelet about a couple of weeks ago and have it hanging on the back of the door to my studio. I ware it lots and especially, when I come to see you and when I gig. I don’t sleep much and especially last night, after getting like 4 hours of sleep, this, is what I’ve been inspired to write. I don’t know. Maybe this is how I need to express my feelings. I’m afraid to text you just to checkup on you now , because of the fact that you have told me last week that I was blowing up your phone. I’m working on that and trying to not make the same mistake as I did. I feel ignored, I feel avoided, I feel pushed away, I feel abandon in the thoughts that you don’t want to talk to me. I don’t know, I’m hoping I’m so wrong about all of this. What did I do wrong. Do you not want to be friends with me no more? Do you not want to talk to me? What has happened to you. I’ve tried to contact you about a day ago in the hopes that I could talk to you about all of this, sooner, rather than later because I know that when I see you when I’m gigging, I’m not gunna want to talk about shit and even when giving me a ride home, we don’t even have that much to talk. I want so much to talk. I want so much, to express how I’ve been feeling. but what good will that do if said person can’t or won’t, respond to me, no matter how hard I try to reach out. I’m trying my best here to not let this go. I’m trying to keep it all together, but I just, don’t know anymore. I want so much to show you that song that I wrote for you in the studio and we had that planned a couple of days ago, but blowing it off just made it worse. I keep my word about everything. I just hope I didn’t do anymore harm yet again, I just hope that I didn’t do anything to make you not want to talk to me anymore. I just hope you still want to be friends and to so much to talk to me. I think about you constantly and well I don’t know. Maybe it’s because we have a strong connection and you’re the closest best friend that I could ever ask for right now. I need you, I want you to still be my friend, I want to talk to you and I just hope things are okay with us. This seems like a lot but what else was I suppose to do in a time like this. I always look forward to seeing you and to all the conversations that we always have, late at night. You’re there for me when I bitched about something that I wasn’t happy about a few weeks ago, you were there when I was feeling scared a few nights ago, but when we go our separate ways, it’s like you don’t want to talk to me anymore. You mean so much to me as a friend and you’re the one thing, I can’t lose. I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, I can’t and will not give up on this. Now let’s fast forward to last night. Still seemed like a friend like 3 weeks ago to the present because you still came up and talked with me and expressed your feelings for the song that I wrote. That was like 3 weeks ago. Ever sense then and when walking me out to my uber that night, when you couldn’t give me a ride back home, of which, I understood, that was the last time, I’ve talked with you. The fact that you’ll talk to anyone else but me for the past couple of weeks as of late is really quite sad. If you didn’t wanna talk to me anymore, or if I did anything wrong, why the hell don’t you say something instead of running away from your issues, which you have already done because when checking my messenger and or FB, last night just for shits and giggles, I found that you unfriended me from facebook. Yeah, I know that friendship doesn’t matter when it comes to FB, but you know what, it means a hell of a lot when you don’t explain why you deleted me, and for what? No reason at all, or from what I can tell. Yeah, now your with a boyfriend that, okay, don’t really think he likes me because when coming to your birthday party 3 or 4 weeks ago, because he seen me hanging out with you and you introduced me to your whole family. Which, I thought was pretty cool. I knew part of your family before he did and if he didn’t like me hanging out with you, he could have said something? You know, but you know what? That’s not really a right thing either because no boyfriend or girlfriend should control what or who, they hang out with. I’ve had friends who couldn’t hang out with me because of their either boyfriends or the opposite, were too protective of their significant other. I’m sorry but if you’re in a relationship, you don’t fucking control who hangs out with you and this, is what it seems like what goes on here. Not your fault, but I’m sure you’ll come to the realization here that this shit that you’re pulling on me and possibly a few others is kind of ah, not good. the reason I’m writing this all out here is 2 reasons. One, I don’t wanna display all of this shit on FB, when I can just give people a link to read from and 2, my hopes that you’ll come to see this post some day, sense you know my website and you’ve seen it before, you’ll come to this post. I do however, after writing all of this, have hopes in the fact that you will come and talk to me about all of this and explain what is going on. I do have hopes that you’ll come to your senses and tell me what’s going on. If I’m suppose to b e your best friend, then, why do you not talk to me? If I’m or we, suppose to be best and close friends, then why don’t you tell me everything like you use to and you also keep avoiding me? There have been countless times when at the bar, I look for you and you say that you’ll come and say hi, from what I gather from other bar tenders, oh wait, that’s another thing. Who else was I suppose to turn to when you weren’t there, yep. I’ve asked one of the bartenders , when one of them gave me a ride home to ask how you were doing, to which he did because I was worried about you and concerned. All you said is that, everything is fine. Well, if everything is fine, then why don’t you talk to me anymore, and why the unfriending on FB? These, are yet again the questions I raise and still do. I will never understand this, I will never give up on this friendship but it seems like you would love to give up on this friendship for another guy to which my response to that would be, I’ve been replace. Is that a right thing to do also? Ah, no, don’t think so. Again, I ask myself. What the hell did I ever do to you for you to be doing all of this. Nothing. I try to be a friend to you and this, is what, I get? I was even going to release that song to you that I wrote for you but now, I’m not so sure anymore. As every time I look at that song, My heart breaks. I still may release it, I’m not sure yet, as I had people tell me, go ahead and release but them questions are still going to remain. There is so much I could write about here, but it’s nothing but the same feelings, over, and over again. So I guess I’ll leave it at this. when you see this post, or whenever you do, I’ll always be here for you when you wanna be my friend again okay? I’m here whenever you want someone to talk to but remember this. When you come back as being a friend to me, we’re gunna have a long talk and it’s not because I’m mad at you or anything, it’s because I care about you and still want to be there as a friend and would love to know what the hell is going on.